If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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