found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
