This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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