another moral hangover. fuck.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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