Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize