The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
