Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
