My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
