maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize