i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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