Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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