You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
