i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
