i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
