i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
