i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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