I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
