Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
