playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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