He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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