do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
