were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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