Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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