I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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