I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
