my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
