the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
