Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
