I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize