We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
