You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
