my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
