I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
