Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
