As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
