This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
