Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
