So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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