My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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