I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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