you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
