Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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