i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
