if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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