Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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