My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
