i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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