At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
