What did we do last night that was yellow?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
