I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
