I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
