i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
