why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
