ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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