He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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