he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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