It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize