are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
