What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
