It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
