he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
