I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
