My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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