lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
