why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
