My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we should paint friendship bongs
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