Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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