I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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