do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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