And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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