I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
