am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
