very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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