In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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