about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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