Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
